A Sharp Left Turn

I seem to remember a lot of people being ready for 2009 to be over at the end of last year. I wasn't entirely sure what those people were really talking about, but I'm beginning to feel the same way about 2010. I'm just ready to kiss it good-bye and move on to 2011.

There have certainly been good things that have happened over the last 12 months, but the last month has brought on more stress and worry than I bargained for. In my last post, I mentioned that I'd gotten a promotion recently, but that several of my co-workers were let go. Less than two weeks after that took place, the remaining employees were told that the entire office is closing.

Merry Christmas, right? Yeah.

I completely understand that things happen for a reason and I'm interested to see what the future holds, but it's not the most convenient position to be in. I will start to think about the good things that will come from this like being able to try something new, meet new people, learn new things, etc. Then I end up thinking about the not-so-great things like not knowing anyone, not knowing what I'm doing, and starting allllllllll over again.

I really don't even know where to begin. I doesn't exactly feel quite real yet. Maybe it will after tomorrow, but who knows. I need to buckle down and start looking for a new job, but I've had this week scheduled as vacation for months and want to actually take a break. So currently, I'm rebelling against the job hunt. I think I will work on my resume a bit tomorrow.

I've got a couple of ideas of where to go from here, but I'm trying not to make any knee-jerk reactions. Being reactive was one of those traits that I tried hard not to pick up over the last five years.

So if you're reading this and happen to know of any jobs that someone with a bachelor's degree in hospitality management could handle, I'm available!

By the way, the ratio of laughing to tears in my life is frighteningly unnatural. I feel like I shouldn't I shouldn't be laughing about this as much as I have. Shock, perhaps?

Am I?

I think I might be getting close to calling myself a runner. I didn't set out to be one when I signed up to run the half marathon, but I sort of hoped I might end up that way. I think it might be happening.

It's been 10 days since my last run and I miss it. I mean, I really miss it. When I look out the window of the hotel I've been staying in since last Wednesday and see people running, I get jealous. Really jealous. My running shoes have been at the bottom of my back, along with my other workout clothes, since I got here and I'm sad that I haven't seen them since last Tuesday night. I would love nothing more than to be able to get outside and get in a good four miles or so. My next run will be no later than Monday.

I think I've already decided, even before the race, that I will be signing up for another half marathon after this one. I don't know when or where it'll be, but I want the opportunity to train the right way (the OCD way that I wanted to from the start, following the schedule to the letter) and to see how well I do. My job hasn't exactly allowed me to do that this time, which is okay, but I want to give it a real shot.

It's amazing how this training has affected me. I love going for a run after work because it clears my head. I love having sore muscles every day because it means I pushed my body a little further than I thought it could go. I love getting dressed and not "feeling fat" every day. I can't say that I feel "skinny," but I do feel comfortable. Or I did until my workouts took a backseat to my job. Right now, my mind is all over the place, I'm not sleeping well, and I feel like a roly poly.

Some changes have happened at work over the last couple of months. I got a promotion last month, but that was overshadowed by several of my co-workers being let go due to a drop in business. A couple of them I consider to be really good friends of mine. I love them and look up to them and know that there's a reason for all of this, but it sucks. It really sucks.

I could use a good run in my life. Oh, and temperatures in the 70s.

The Latest

Today ended week seven of my training for the half marathon. I have a schedule that I've been following, though I haven't been able to follow it to the letter like I would have liked to. Occassionally things have gotten in the way, like having to work late or travel or just plain not feeling like running, but I feel like I'm doing pretty well.

I've been trying to push myself every time I run, but sometimes it feels impossible to keep going. I kept hearing that eventually I will "level off" and I'll feel like I can just keep running even if I don't want to or don't think I can. Today I finally experienced it. The last time I really did any decent running was last weekend, but today I knew that I had to get out and run. Not only did I have to just get out and do it, but I had to do the seven miles that were on the schedule. No matter how cold it was or how early on a Saturday morning, I needed to get this done.

I was up earlier this morning than I get up for work every day. It was cold (yes, in Florida) and I wished that I could crawl back in my warm bed. At the same time, though, I wanted to run. I stretched and started out walking, but then picked up the pace. At the end of the first mile, I was like "That was easy. I'm ready to go again." So I took a little walking break and then started running again. At the end of mile three, I still felt great and wanted to keep going. Mile four was decent, but at the end, my legs started feeling it, but I didn't care. I was finishing all seven miles.

I finally did. An hour and forty minutes after I started, I was finished. I was already sore and knew that I would be for a while, but it didn't matter. In fact, I've kind of gotten used to being sore. It's a little strange when I don't have some ache somewhere. The little pains don't bother me, but I don't know if I'll ever get used to feeling like like my legs are going to detatch from my body at the hip.

The next couple of weeks are going to be tricky. I have a big meeting and am not sure that I'll be able to run or do any sort of working out. I am absolutely taking my running shoes with me, but actually getting outside for a run or getting to the gym could prove to be quite a challenge. It makes me a little nervous because the marathon is in five weeks and I don't want to slack off. Hopefully I'll be okay.

One way or the other, I'm running it. And I have every intention of crossing the finish line on my own. If not... Well, that's just not an option.

Civic Duty

I don't pretend to be in to politics. I almost didn't even go vote today, but after the eighth text from my dad telling me to "Vote early and vote often" I went. As I was waiting to get my identity verified, I overheard a poll worker telling some guy that he had to register ahead of time, he can't just show up and vote. She wasn't especially nice or understanding with him, but I think she was a lot nicer than those senior citizens that run the polls in Satellite Beach would've been.

I won't lie, I went in pretty blind. As I was walking up, I felt ill-prepared as I saw other voters studying their ballots like it was their final exam, but I just picked the next available booth and started winging it. I started to see a pattern as I filled in more and more bubbles as dark as I could.

When I was finished, I called my parents to tell them my strategy. I still think it's comical, if not clever.

*If there was a political party listed, I chose the republican candidate. For the record, had I had some sort of aversion to the republican candidate prior, I would've voted for someone of a different party, but the bridge never appeared so I didn't have to cross it.
*If it said "Shall so-and-so remain as..." I voted no. My grandfather thinks that getting new blood in office as frequently as possible is the way to go and that sounds good to me, too.
*If there was no party listed, I chose the most American name listed. I'm not racist, I just like the idea of Americans running America.
*If there was any sort of money that they were looking to get from the citizen, I voted against it. I'm short enough on cash without having to give any more away.

The one "issue" that stuck out to me was about class size. They were looking to increase the number of students a teacher can have in each classroom. While I don't have (and won't for a while) kids in school, I felt like the kids should get as much attention as possible and the teachers need less stress. I can hardly handle six to twelve 16- and 17-year-olds once a week. Having double (at least) that number, of any age range, five days a week would send me to the looney bin.

I probably shouldn't put my business out in public like this, but this is my blog. If you don't like my choices, oh well.

So now we just have to wait and see what happens. Not that I'll even notice.

I've Lost My Mind

Three blog posts in a seven-day span should make that obvious enough, but...

It's official. I am registered to run the Disney World Half Marathon on January 8. Yes, 2011. Yes, a mere 12 weeks from now. I still can't quite believe it either and I'm just counting on Kelsey to drag me across the finish line! She was the person who sort of pushed me over the edge and finally talked me in to just going for it.

Actually, I'm looking forward to it. I've now paid money to run this race and I can't get a refund, so I have no choice but to train as best I can and then leave everything I've got somewhere on Disney property. I think I can do it. At the worst, I have to finish in three and a half hours, which breaks down to about a 16 minute mile. I'm fairly certain that I can walk a mile in 15 minutes. So run or walk, I should avoid being picked up and transported to the finish, to quote the rules posted on the website.

I've been pretty sore this past week, since joining my co-workers who have been training for their half marathon that's a little over a month away. As I was complaining about my aches and pains, they were quick to point out that I didn't exactly ease myself in to the training, I jumped in and I've kept up with them. My first question after that was "Yes, but are you slowing down so that I don't fall too far behind???" We're not sure, but I'll give myself the benefit of the doubt!

I'll start going by my training schedule this coming week, though I can't decide if I want to "go backward" and only run three miles on my first run, when I've been doing four or five with the girls, so we'll just see what happens on Monday. Maybe if I do drop back to three I'll push myself to do less walking than I have been. I know that pushing myself to keep running is something that I need to work on. This past week, my lungs were feeling pretty good, but my legs were hating me, so I think my body just needs to get it together!

The mental part of it will be interesting, too. I almost wish that I lived somewhere like Satellite Beach, where I could run through neighborhoods and not feel like someone is going to jump out of the bushes and get me at any given moment. It'll be nice to have that ability when I'm visiting my parents, but the majority of the time, I'll have to either have someone to go with me or figure out somewhere that feels safe to run alone. That's a tall order in O-town, though.

I'll probably be posting a good bit about my training. I may as well change the title of my blog to Digging My Own Grave - One Mile at a Time! Or, the reason I told my dad that I was running, Runners Are Skinny And I Need to Get Skinny! Gosh, I hope that happens. That would be the best thing to come out of all of this!

Can anyone suggest some good running music? I need to start figuring out which songs will help me want to keep a good pace.

Also on the agenda: new running shoes. Shoes had to be involved somehow!

Spill

A friend of mine at work spills everything. We used to sit next to each other and every couple of days, I'd hear a cup tip over and see, out of the corner of my eye, her trying to stay dry. She used countless rolls of paper towels cleaning up these messes. If her keyboard were a person, it would never go to sleep for all the coffee that was spilled in it. Naturally, it became a big joke and we laugh every time she spills, especially when we're in a hotel and the hotel has just replaced the linens on her desk. It never fails.

Yesterday, I "pulled a Lauren." I had opened up a new bottle of water (to stay hydrated for all the working out I'm doing, of course) and was attempting to get the little plastic ring that detaches from the cap back down so that I could close the bottle again. The cap wasn't helping push it down, so I decided to try and do it with my fingers while the FULL bottle of water was open. Bad idea.

The bottle tipped over, toward me, off the desk, and poured right on to my lap, my chair and the floor. Prior to this moment, I was feeling as though I could really benefit from double hip replacement surgery after jogging/walking five miles the previous night. I'm still not sure how I was able to get out of my chair as quickly as I did.

There wasn't much water missing from the actual bottle, but by looking at me, you'd think the bottle would've been empty. For the better part of the day, I looked like this:


It wasn't just the front of my jeans either, it wrapped around to the backs, too. And I'm pretty sure that my jeans were still damp when I got home last night. I briefly thought about putting on my workout pants and throwing my jeans on the hood of my car for a while to dry out. I was afraid that some needy soul (read: homeless person) would take them and my favorite, though completely worn out, pair of jeans would be gone forever. So I suffered the wet jeans all day.

No need to comment here and say "It looks like you peed your pants!" Swells already beat you to it. I can always count on her.

Run, Forrest

I've been wanting to post for the last couple of weeks, but the things in my head either haven't been post-worthy or I'm not quite ready to put out there. Eventually, I may be able to get that crazy out in the open, just not today.

The two things that have been on my mind lately are General Conference and running. Neither has anything to do with the other, they just happened to have come up in the same timeframe.

The weeks leading up to General Conference had been somewhat rocky for me. In fact, as I drove to my parents' house last Friday, I reached my breaking point. Perhaps the traffic jam that I got caught in was the straw that broke the camel's back and that's why I found myself taking an alternate route to Satellite Beach with tears running down my face. While it sounds like I'm looking for a pity party, I'm really not. Sometimes you just need a good cry. At least it was a decent time for one. Nothing is worse than breaking down in a crowd of people or at church (the worst!) where people want to ask you what's wrong and console you, but there's really no need for it or you're just plain inconsolable.

Needless to say, I needed a little pick me up. Thank heaven for Elder Holland. I think everyone that I've talked to or blog-stalked since Saturday has mentioned his talk and how it touched them. For me, it was a great way to begin the weekend. And it was just that, the beginning. The other talk that still stands out to me was David M. McConkie's, mostly because I'm a Sunday School teacher and feel inadequate and overwhelmed a good majority of the time. I'm greatly looking forward to next month's Ensign to be delivered to my mailbox so that I can pour over all the talks again. It'll probably take me until Christmas to get through them all (especially considering the work schedule I'm looking at for the end of the year).

President Monson was, as usual, great to listen to. He's always been one of my favorite speakers and I love that he's our prophet. Whether it's because I'm old enough to appreciate or am finally paying attention, I've come to the conclusion that this is my favorite First Presidency. I can't even put in to words how much I appreciate and respect them. There just. aren't. words.

After the pick-me-up from the weekend, I knew that I needed to keep that "high" going, so I did my best to try to stay positive on Monday. While I was definitely coming down from it all, it seemed to be a gradual descent. Knowing that I'd abandoned my drive to exercise for over a week and a half, I decided to get back on track. I sort of scolded myself in my head for avoiding Jillian, which would've been a lot more productive, but I couldn't pass up the opportunity to enjoy the cooler weather that we've been having, so I went for a walk.

Then Tuesday came. I crashed. I was aggravated and negative and over every little detail of my life that I could think of. Luckily, a co-worker of mine invited me to go running with her. She's training for a half marathon and I told her that there was no way that I would be able to keep up, but I wanted to see her trail and give it a shot. (Forget being able to twist into a pretzel from all that yoga, I want to be a runner!) I definitely slowed her down, which I feel a bit guilty for, but I appreciate her sticking with me. I ran more than I thought I'd be able to, but walked the vast majority of the four miles.

When I talked to my dad later that night, he asked me why in the world I was running. My standard answer is and forever will be "Because runners are skinny and I want to be skinny." Wednesday I'd committed to going to an industry event, but the whole time we were there, I was wishing that I'd gone back to the park. That might be because I know what a slacker I am and that if I excuse myself even once, I may as well quit altogether. So last night we were back at it. I ran even further than I did on Tuesday, even though I was pretty sore, but still slowed down my motivator. And I brought my clothes so that I can go after work today if Swells is up for it. If she isn't, I'll be huffing and puffing around my complex by 6:00.

There's really no reason why I can't be a runner. I just have to realize that it's not going to happen overnight. And, if I'm starting now, I should certainly be able to run a couple of miles by the time Coley gets home. (Did you know we're getting dangerously close to the 3/4 mark? I've decided that when he has less than six months left in the mission field, I'll be allowed to get excited about him coming home. Six months is not a long time.) He used to have to slow down and walk for me when I was sucking wind, but I want to have to slow down for him. Yeah right, he'll still be able to run circles around me!

The next order of business to help myself be more light on my feet (and get skinny faster) is to start eating better. There will be a trip to the grocery store this weekend to stock my place with healthy options. I also need to get rid of the cinnamon rolls* that I made for Conference. They are delicious, but they aren't helping me get in to my skinny jeans any faster.

*The recipe is way down in the comments. I think there's another one for one hour cinnamon rolls, but I used Courtney's. I love her blog so it was no surprise that her recipe was great also.