Several months ago, a friend of mine "pocket dialed" me out of the blue. At the time, I wasn't really talking to anyone unless I absolutely had to. She had no idea what was going on in my life, but once I gave her a brief overview, she commented "Maybe that's why my purse called you. To check on you." As little desire as I had to speak, period, I was so thankful for her call. I'm sure she has no idea that our conversation put my mind at ease, if only for a few short minutes.
As I was leaving work yesterday, she called me again, though this time it was on purpose. When we last spoke, we talked about planning a weekend where she'd come stay with me and we'd just hang out and do whatever came to mind. Since our last conversation, I've thought of her a number of times in passing, but never got around to calling her. When she said she wanted to just see how I was doing, my mind immediately starting thinking of all the "excuses" I had for not calling her. The old stand-by ("I've been soooo busy.") seemed lacking. I have been busy, but not that busy. In fact, the real busy times I've had have been over the last month, not so much the last six. We chatted for a while and caught up and then again discussed getting together.
During our conversation, I mentioned that I often feel like I might be wishing my life away. I tend to like to be able to look forward to something or to know that there is some milestone or marker than I'm coming up on. That, I don't consider to be too bad; having goals is good and having something to work toward is good, too. It's the "I'll feel better/be happier/be content/have it made when I'm making more money/out of debt/married/have kids/in better shape" that is not the best. I would like to think that I am enjoying the stage of life that I'm in, but I do find myself wanting more or wishing I had something to fill the void-of-the-day.
I then found it interesting that I came across this article as I was reading the Ensign tonight. You see, I'm forever in a hurry in my mind. In my life, I try to be on the early side. It stresses me out a little to be late or when other people are late. My mind is always racing, though. I'm always planning my next move, my next meal, the order in which I will complete menial tasks or errands, even pack my suitcase for a trip that's over a month away. Seriously, when I look at the clock and it's past 8:00 at night, I'm figuring out what time whatever I'm watching will be over so that I know when I'll be ready to start my nightly get-ready-for-bed routine. It's a little crazy sometimes.
After the conversation and the article, I'm really starting to realize that I do need to slow it down. I need to just let things happen and not be so concerned with what's to come. I really have little control over the things that I want so desperately to have control of. When things are meant to happen, they will. I need to be better at realizing that the best things that have ever happened in my life have been a surprise or have happened when I least expected it. And that it was when I took a step back and a long, hard look at what was happening to me that I realized that I couldn't have planned for things to have happened any better than they were turning out.
Does that mean that I'll stop counting down how much longer until Coley gets home? Doubtful. But I will think more about how I hope that he is soaking up every single minute of the time that he has serving and that he takes two years to recount all of his memories with us, once he is back.
As I was leaving work yesterday, she called me again, though this time it was on purpose. When we last spoke, we talked about planning a weekend where she'd come stay with me and we'd just hang out and do whatever came to mind. Since our last conversation, I've thought of her a number of times in passing, but never got around to calling her. When she said she wanted to just see how I was doing, my mind immediately starting thinking of all the "excuses" I had for not calling her. The old stand-by ("I've been soooo busy.") seemed lacking. I have been busy, but not that busy. In fact, the real busy times I've had have been over the last month, not so much the last six. We chatted for a while and caught up and then again discussed getting together.
During our conversation, I mentioned that I often feel like I might be wishing my life away. I tend to like to be able to look forward to something or to know that there is some milestone or marker than I'm coming up on. That, I don't consider to be too bad; having goals is good and having something to work toward is good, too. It's the "I'll feel better/be happier/be content/have it made when I'm making more money/out of debt/married/have kids/in better shape" that is not the best. I would like to think that I am enjoying the stage of life that I'm in, but I do find myself wanting more or wishing I had something to fill the void-of-the-day.
I then found it interesting that I came across this article as I was reading the Ensign tonight. You see, I'm forever in a hurry in my mind. In my life, I try to be on the early side. It stresses me out a little to be late or when other people are late. My mind is always racing, though. I'm always planning my next move, my next meal, the order in which I will complete menial tasks or errands, even pack my suitcase for a trip that's over a month away. Seriously, when I look at the clock and it's past 8:00 at night, I'm figuring out what time whatever I'm watching will be over so that I know when I'll be ready to start my nightly get-ready-for-bed routine. It's a little crazy sometimes.
After the conversation and the article, I'm really starting to realize that I do need to slow it down. I need to just let things happen and not be so concerned with what's to come. I really have little control over the things that I want so desperately to have control of. When things are meant to happen, they will. I need to be better at realizing that the best things that have ever happened in my life have been a surprise or have happened when I least expected it. And that it was when I took a step back and a long, hard look at what was happening to me that I realized that I couldn't have planned for things to have happened any better than they were turning out.
Does that mean that I'll stop counting down how much longer until Coley gets home? Doubtful. But I will think more about how I hope that he is soaking up every single minute of the time that he has serving and that he takes two years to recount all of his memories with us, once he is back.
2 comments:
For someone who loves surprises so much, you spend way too much time planning things! :) I love you!
I am the same way but my wake up call has been at the nursing home... time goes by sooo fast and if I don't start living today I'm going to get to 80 and be wishing time in the other direction. :)
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