Sunday, January 23, 2011

Struggling

So, you heard I'm moving, right? Right.

I've been trying to clean out and then pack only the things that I will definitely want to take with me to wherever I end up after a (hopefully short) stint at my parents' house. I've done pretty well and took a significant amount of clothes and shoes to Goodwill on Friday. I'm talking two huge trashbags full of clothes and probably 30 pairs of shoes and that is no exaggeration.

Really, cleaning out my closet has been the easy part. The hard part has been to determine what I want to go in to storage and what I want at my fingertips. I know that whatever is in storage I will be able to get to because it's not like I'm renting a storage unit in Orlando, but living somewhere else. The problem is that I can't imagine that my dad is going to be willing to stack boxes in there the way I'd like him to so that, on the off chance that I need something, I'll know exactly where it's located. No. He's going to pack everything as tightly as he can get it in there (probably leaving room to put any other stuff that's been sitting at his house in there so that it goes wherever I go next. I'm on to him.) and he's going to tell me to deal.

Then there's the painting. When I moved in, I was told that I could paint whatever I wanted in my apartment and all I'd have to do is paint one coat of primer over it before I left. I wanted to paint stripes, but my dad thought I was nuts and told me that if I wanted to do it, I was on my own. I held off for the first year, not knowing what might happen with my job (which was only an internship when I started), but as soon as I renewed my lease for a second year, I went straight to Home Depot and bought paint.

This is what I ended up with, which I have loved every time I've looked at it.


Initially, I wanted a much more neutralcolor on the un-striped walls. As I was painting, I kept thinking "I hate this color. This looks like macaroni and cheese!" But once the blue tape came off and the furniture was back in place, it wasn't so bad.


I'm having a really hard time getting in the mood to cover it all up. Not only did I put a lot of hard work in to get my walls like this (every line is perfectly straight - I used a level and measured every single stripe), but if I cover it all up, I'm really leaving. Clearly I'm still in denial, at least part of the time.

It's just strange to think about all the things that I've been through while I've lived here and to think about how much I've changed. This wasn't my very first apartment, but it's the one that I've lived in since just after graduating from college. I've done a lot of growing here and it's tough for me to be leaving it behind.

I guess that's what happens, though. I'm sure that there are bigger and better things for me ahead. This move in no way feels wrong. In fact, it feels more right than anything I've done in a long time. And I plan on painting stripes in my next place, so it's not like they're lost forever. They'll just be slightly different; I already have a plan.

I think what's also scary is that, for the first time, I'm taking this big leap of faith and I have absolutely no clue how it'll end up. Granted, I've got this safety net securely below, but I still have no idea what lies ahead. It's not exactly like I'm packing everything I have and moving to a strange city with the hopes of finding a job and being able to make it on my own. No, no. But the only "knowns" that I have are who my new roommates will be and how long I'll still be receiving a paycheck. Beyond that, it's anyone's guess.

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